Sunday, 24 September 2006

Stupid Slogans are Stupid

Last week my doctor sent me for a blood test. Melbourne Pathology's slogan is "We Take It Personally." A particularly moronic single-entendre, that one. While it's possible, barely, for the slogan to be interpreted as meaning something about how the people there take a deep and profoundly personal interest in pathologising your specimens, above and beyond the call of duty, to get to that concept you have to sort of wriggle past the image that leaps swift and unbidden to mind, of a stooping Igoresque pathologist personally retrieving a sample - all right I suppose if the sample in question is blood but definitely not ok for other substances. And what does the sloganeer want us to do with the other aspect of the slogan, which strongly implies that Melbourne Pathologists have one heck of a chip on their collective shoulder and will interpret any substandardness or deviance in the supplied items as a vicious personal insult? Sloppy work indeed. It didn't help that the kid who drew out my blood had the full Myspace emo thing going on, with asymetrical dyed black hair and a scowl and a black spike through one ear, and under his nurse blouse, a studded leather wristcuff. He seemed determined to either spit in my blood or drink some.


This week's stupid slogan #2 comes to you from, where else, the bumper sticker on the back of a badly-driven car I saw weaving along Bell St. Variations on the "...and I vote" bumper-sticker theme are too common and too pathetic to be worth the trouble of mocking, really, especially in Australia where everyone with a car may be reasonably assumed to be a voter too...because it's compulsory*, but for pointless redundancy in both halves of the phrase, "I drive a 4WD...and I vote" is impossible to beat. Especially when it's written on the back of, you know, a 4WD.

Dorian is unemployed today as he finished his old job on Friday and starts the new one on Monday. Bye City of Stonnington. The big card signed by the workmates includes emotional farewell messages from Reg Hollis, Gina Gold, Phil 'it's not mine' Hunter, and from beyond the grave, Gabriel Kent, Steve Irwin, and Peter Brock. Someone has written "I will miss your refreshingly inappropriate comments"; another says "You are a F*cking C*nt for leaving me in this Sh*t."

Does anybody know how to get red wine out of a white t-shirt? Nothing too onerous please.



*some exclusions apply

19 comments:

Another Outspoken Female said...

Well at least the path lab wasn't called Dracula's.

Have you tried salt on the white t-shirt to draw out the wine before washing, then nappisan?

Perhaps you and Dorian would like to represent Banyule in the inaugural pie review at letmeeatnow.blogspot.com/2006/09/inaugural-we-do-chew-our-food-pie.html
All welcome. Heck this is the closest thing to partiotism I've come to in my time as a 'new Australian'!

lucy tartan said...

I tried salt - the stain went black.

Will think about the pie challenge...

Pavlov's Cat said...

Somewhere back in the mists of time, my (then) child-husband saw someone spill salt on a white tablecloth and said without missing a beat 'Quick! Spill some red wine on it!' If I'd decided to stay married, it would have been for moments like that.

I concur, NapiSan is good. Make a bucket of NapiSan soup and leave the t-shirt in it for a couple of days.

David said...

Regarding '...and I vote' I also chose this to mean 'so, politicians and other powers-that-be, take notice of my interests'. It doesn't say, after all, what mine would say: '...and I vote, for the same party my parents voted for which I have always voted for though I fatuously ignore their long-term drift from any principles I might actually agree with.' But then I don't shoot or drive a 4WD so who cares.

My favourite '... and I vote' is the graffiti in Gertrude Street, 'I poo and I vote'. I wonder if it had any deeper meaning than the joke.

I would like to see Exclusive Brethren members with bumper stickers saying 'I have an unreasonable amount of political clout as I zombiesquely support my megalomaniac leader ...and I DON'T vote'. Do you think they'd be up for that?

lucy tartan said...

Do they drive cars? I suppose they must.

Mousicles said...

With red wine stains, soaking immediately in cold water seems to be best.

I find the best method of dealing with stained white shirts is to tie-dye over the stains. Future stains will either enhance the effect, or be completely lost in the chaos...

Galaxy said...

That's the trouble with red wine and white shirts, when they get together too much hand/eye/mouth co-ordination is required.

I've found that making a paste with the napisan and mashing it into the stain and leaving it for a couple of hours (way more than the recommended half hour on the packet) works a treat on old and stubborn stains.

elsewhere said...

Now that's an idea -- a pathology service with a Gothic theme.

As someone who had to attend a pathology service on a weekly basis for a six-month stint, you get to know your venupuncturists. It often turns out to be the young gay male party animal or someone you wouldn't expect who's the best. And the mags in reception are always great.

Red wine stain on white shirt -- soak the shirt in a carafe of red wine overnight. I have a white shirt engrained with orange dirt that I soak in sard wonder soap powder for 48 hours after wearing and it only just gets rid of that turn-of-the-century yellowing look for another wear (things are pretty desparate out here).

Kate said...

Try making a paste of some bicarb and water and putting that on the stain for a little while. Then soak the buggery out of it in Napisan. If you're really daring, you can even soak it in (very)diluted white king bleach, but this should be a last resort.

Ms Batville said...

If the Napisan won't work then try a paste of OxyAction - worked a treat for me after an unforunate accident involving a new white dress, a bottle of Shiraz, a BBQ, three blokes and a football. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbK1eCt97ag

I saw this on YouTube and thought of you, with the cat fancy and the literature. Cat Head Theatre!

I hope you enjoy it!

Fran

Mindy said...

damn you Da Vinci Code, twice, twice now you have cost me Bazlotto!

Ahhh, that's feels better.

lucy tartan said...

I'm delighted to be able to report that the napisan worked, brilliantly. The tshirt might well disintegrate at some inopportune moment but at least it's not got slobby drink stains down the front.


Hurtle Duffield could use a bit of that Napisan. It's good stuff.

ThirdCat said...

That's a pity. I liked elsewhere's suggestion the best.

lucy tartan said...

Terrible waste of wine, though.

fluffy said...

It's all about the Oxy-action. Sprinkle into your coffee and watch it turn clear*. When the stain turns black that's a good sign believe it or not.

I made you a stupid bumper sticker.


*don't

fluffy said...

Crap. That link again.

Ampersand Duck said...

I'd figure Exclusive Bretheren would have their cars driven for them.

Zoe said...

Napisan can remove baby crap while leaving the nappy intact, so your modesty should be safe.