Friday, 31 March 2006

Why I Blog

I was walking to the post office today, with a package about to be mailed under my arm, when I heard a strange, horrifying rustling coming from the bushes and dead leaves. I stopped and the rustling stopped too. I walked a few steps and the rustling followed. A nasty, yet small and cowardly being appeared to be stalking me.

I held my breath, heart beating, and peered through the neighbor's garden. And I saw it - I saw by what I was being hunted. Even now my pulse races as I recollect that moment. Hands shaking, I raised the digital camera.

Gathering my wits, I shouted some curses and imprecations at it, hoping it might fade quietly back to the netherworld from whence it came. All in vain! No matter how much I picked up my pace, dashing headlong from house to house along the eerily deserted footpath, still my silent pursuer determinedly pursued me.

Have you ever been followed by a creature whose whole being is devoted to following you, to seeing where it is you wish to go? It is a most unnerving experience. Every time you catch sight of your hunter it instantly drops to the ground, lolling about, nonchalantly pretending to ignore your proximity. But just look away and it leaps to its feet and recommences the pursuit.

At last, reaching the blessed haven of the local shops - people, commerce, civilisation - I breathed a little easier. Surely my hunter would not attempt to follow me here. But I made the mistake of casting one last glance over my shoulder as I crossed the threshold of the post office. And there, in the distance, it stood: eyes fixed balefully, unblinkingly, upon me. Waiting.

Somehow, I know not how, my business in the post office was accomplished. (I fear the condition of the parcel - wrapped and addressed on the premises - may betray the confusion and dread overwhelming my thoughts.) Then, taking a deep breath, I ran from the building, headlong down the hill, and trembling around the corner, every step of the way haunted and shadowed by my small silent evil tormentor.

Lungs bursting, temples throbbing, at last I gained the sanctuary of home. And now it is all over. I sit here solitary, sad, afraid, nerdish, sipping a mug of tea and typing into a box, with only the dim glow of the computer screen for illumination. I believe I am safe.

But hist! something is at the door, scratching, scratching, trying to get in.....


Zoe said...


I love it - Mischa followed Sage and I to playgroup t'other day,but sadly no camera.

genevieve said...

Oh, thanks very much for this. I have had a tricky week and this has made me LAUGH OUT LOUD.

Pavlov's Cat said...

LOL also (and I have had rather a nice week, myself, if madly busy). I love this padding beast, particularly the Hound-of-the Baskervilles eyes in the first shot.

I also love the action shot second-to-last, where he looks like a Lipizzaner stallion.

(First one I've ever had that was even remotely pronounceable.)

Uccellina said...

That was deeeeee-lightful :-) And very Poe-esque.

Ampersand Duck said...

VG post Would read this writer again AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA+++++++++++++++

[Evil black cats of doom follow me to Zoe's house sometimes, so I understand your panic. Lurv the word HIST. Perfect for cat tales.]

Lucy Tartan said...

Yes, when I realised I had company I thought about taking him home and shutting him inside. If I'd known he was going to follow me so far I would have done it.

He was very careful not to go on the footpath, preferring to go cross-country through front yards.

What an adventure.

elsewhere said...

I was followed about six blocks up Union St to the railway line before Sydney Road once by one of my cats when she saw me taking off with a suitcase (to go on holidays).

CW said...

Ohhhhhh! This post made me roll around laughing, and then I wished my cat wasn't agoraphobic and able to follow me down to the shops from time to time :)

Mel said...

My favourite is also the second-last one. Also, my word verification is "mndpges" which sounds like an embarrassing new age e-magazine called Mindpages.

Lucy Tartan said...

Mel, that is exactly what it sounds like.

You've got a rare talent for explaining that sort of stuff.

Brownie said...

Oh Baz must love you a lot. And he is brave.
One of my cats always follows me to the mailbox on the corner, hiding in each garden on the way so I cannot turn on him. I have resorted to putting food in the garage and then sneaking off fast. One feels so silly trying to outwit a cat.
That parcel was received with as much drama and excitement as it's posting, Thank you.
Beautifully packed, and opened with surgical precision using a scalpel, the Punctuation Poster preserved, has also gone to a home where it was needed. love and peace xx