Sunday, 8 January 2006

Live Blogging from Dorian and Laura's Massive Garage Sale!!!


Well, here I am, sitting in the back yard surrounded by mountains of crapola. It's Sunday, the sun's shining, the neighborhood is plastered in yellow signs, and the first punter just walked in. Are we going to sell it all? any of it?

I am particularly eager to dispose of:

Big picture of the Queen sitting on a horse

Electric typrewriter (yeah someone's really going to buy that)

I feel it's important to get rid of these ASAP.

Er, and this. The barrel sits over the top of the man and when you lift it off his penis vibrates (it's mounted on a spring.) Don't be asking.

Aged Malvern Star pushie that we scabbed out of a pile of hard rubbish awaiting the collection truck back in March and which has lain around the back yard ever since... going for $5 or nearest offer.

Of course, it is the best day of Basil's life, ever. He's smelling everything, attacking everything, miaowing at strangers, trying out all kinds of poses on top of and inside of boxes, and generally being a giant catnerd.

While typing ai already sold a bunch of old plates and a tablecloth, five bucks, woo hoo! Here's a 'before' shot: hopefully it'll all be gone by sundown.

Well here come some more people. Better go....

UPDATE 12.30pm

Okay, we have sold about $90 worth of junk. Not the barrel dude, not anything off that list, actually. The chicken thing is gone, though: for the record, it was a rubbery rooster thing with a motion sensor light in the front. Put two AA batteries in the base and hey presto! whenever someone walked past it let out a deafening ROO-ROO-ROO-ROO-ROO! Broken now of course. Sold for $1.

Also sold: shoes, toolbox, playstation games, tubes of oil paint, deco mirror, winnie the pooh, miner's head lamp, tuxedo, pink umbrella, chinese silk robe, decision maker keyring, travel hairdryer, assorted tiny pieces of garbage.

As I sit here typing, on the other side of the table is a Mac bore. He's been there rabbiting away for at least twenty minutes. How can we get rid of him?


He just left. Praise be.


Just sold the didjeridoo ($5), 500 piece jigsaw of the Acropolis (50c), and a tin of Shrek 2 lollies (50c). They were disappointed we had no Demis Roussos, Nana Mouskouri or Kamahl albums.

Aside from that small burst of excitement very few people have come in. I fear boring Mac Man put a jinx on our garage sale, curse him.

Still no action on the Queen picture front. FYI she is not actually the Queen in that photo, but HRH the Princess Elizabeth, wearing her ceremonial uniform as Colonel of the Grenadier Guards. The Horse's name is Winston.


Well it appears the fools around here don't know quality garage sales when they see them. After the last update I don't think anyone else showed up. Thus the grand total of takings never cracked the $100 mark - PATHETIC - and there is still a scary amount of junk sitting out in the yard. Three unused beach umbrellas! A 16mm movie projector! "Novelty" ashtray with outsized wiggling phallus! (believe it or not, it was a gift given to Dorian in the work Secret Santa a few years ago) A Fowelers Vacola preserving kit, a huge aquarium, a sombrero, all cruelly rejected. And now I'm inside sitting under the air conditioner eating chilled strawberries and radishes. Basil is still out there doing this

little suspecting there will be no more Magi come to marvel at his attractiveness. Not today, anyhow.


Zoe said...

Updates? Her Maj been snapped up yet? And what's that chicken thingo?

Pavlov's Cat said...

My gahd, Her Maj is riding sidesaddle! You gotta hand it to the old girl.

Ace post, especially the shot of Baz in Cat Paradise.

Scrivener said...

I know you said not to be asking about that barrel-penis statue thingie, so I'm going to try really, really hard not to. All I'll ask is, did you sell it? If so, for how much? If not, how much were you asking?

Tony.T said...

If someone asked "Name your price for the cat?" would you sell?

Arty said...

We discussed putting a Needs Attention sticker on him.

chuck said...

"God saved the Queen..."

R H said...

When things don't go well you can always blame someone. I ran a stall at trash markets for years, and had regulars turning up just for a chat. Poor buggers. But most bought something at the end, something useless to them, just as a little trade-off.

Now then, don't get me wrong, I'm only trying to help you. The truth is, that obscene thing with the doodle does you no credit. None at all.
You only embarrass yourself.


elsewhere said...

I felt a stab of nostalgia looking at the Malvern star -- I had a bike exactly like that when I was a teenager.

Why, why the queen?

Lucy Tartan said...

Why? I don't remember why or how I got it, except that it would have been from an op shop - we lived in a big deco flat with loads of picture rails & everything in it came from op shops. I went through a phase of failing to resist buying oddities that looked neglected and unappreciated.

I decided to keep the other portrait we have of her - it's the standard scout hall / town clerk's office / primary school job.

R H said...

I like this posting, and it's photos. So trusting. So cute.

I'm upset about the bike. We're a funny little society when a marvellous thing like that can be worth only a fiver.

It's cruel.

Anonymous said...

You jinxed yourself. You tried to sell a Sacred Object.

The Fowlers Vacola. One day you will be glad you kept it.

- barista

Justine said...

Hi there! Hope you had a good clear out...
my mum gave away her Forlers Vacola and she regretted it within 6 months... although she really had no where to put it.
OMG I'm such a compulsive hoarder I want other people to haord, too! Its a sickness...

hey, um, seen this on Another Outspoken Female?

jo(e) said...

I have to say that I absolutely love garage sales. It's fun to look through all the junk and see what weird items might be there.

Brownie said...

Dear Ms Tartan - do you still have Princess Elizabeth on the horsey?
I really really long to have it. may I buy it please?
brownieh at

R H said...

Okay. And I'll take the typewriter.

And the cat.

When can you post them?

Ampersand Duck said...

I'm absolutely flabbergasted that you managed to start the sale at the civilised hour of 10.30! In Canberra, even if you write 'starts 9am' in the newspaper ad, the dratted book/antique/vintage clothes/junk dealers are hovering at your front door at 6am, cursing you for not being ready and offering you obscenely low amounts of money for whole boxes of books ('I'll give you $10 for that box', vaguely and disinterestedly gesturing at a box full of fairly-new releases).

worldpeace_and_aspeedboat said...

the Vacola! don't let it go...

gah, The Delightful Mother(TM) has been looking for a decent set in the local Salvos for a while now...

and I would have snaffled the pre-Maj piccie in a flash. it's a guilty secret... I'm a roaring Republican but I have a strange weakness for these sorts of things. I have bits and bobs from the 30's/40's/50's of the royals. they looked so much saner then... and I like stuff from that era I guess. goes with the Girls Crystal collection...

JahTeh said...

I'm a little late getting to this but I have to tell you my granddaughters think my portable electric typewriter is the coolest thing ever. Having their letters go straight to a page without a printer is something they're not used to. I keep my Derwent pencils under lock and key though. Poor little things brought up only knowing textas.