Friday, 2 March 2007

All Suffering SOON TO END!



Some prescient godbotherer left this in our letterbox the day we moved in. Perhaps the most apposite piece of junk mail ever. Who does not dream of crouching highly amusedly in a patch of tulips on the prairie surrounded by pumpkins and mooses. I have derived untold comfort from it ever since, especially in those dark moments when I'm trying to do something pathetically simple and (under normal circumstances) easy, like hammer up a picture hook or get a lampshade to sit straight, or write a blog post, and I just CAN'T manage to do it properly without fecking it up good and proeper. In those moments I just sit back on my heels and instead of looking at the upside-down hook or the lame, lame post I fix my eyes upon my little Jesus pamphlet, and there is instant calm and all is well.

It works so beautifully I thought I had better share with fellow sufferers of all kinds. Especially Ms Duck and her colleagues at the ANU art school where the hailstorm did a great deal of damage to people's precious work, and Cristy & Paul whose baby is due very very soon (not that expecting a child is suffering but it's the waiting you want to be over.) I wish you both all the best with what's ahead.

Spare a thought also for Basil whose suffering consists of being locked up in the house when he can see a beautiful unexplored garden through the windows, and who gets out of jail free tomorrow. He has already won second prize in a prestigious beauty contest so there is nothing more in life which he desires.

20 comments:

cristy said...

Thank you Laura. All the best with the ongoing moving.

fluffy said...

r h = asking the disturbing questions as ever. Must be a day ending in y etc etc.

I do wonder how the suffering will "end" though. Is it grisly? Have you read the fine print? Some of these god botherers are a trifle apocalyptic.

lucy tartan said...

Of course I would 'dare' RH, if someone put one in my letterbox, and thank you for asking.

I haven't read the fine print for the exact reason you mention, Fluffy - wouldn't want to wreck its magical calming properties.

Meredith said...

But there is something, actually, seriously enticing about that pamphlet - that vision of such pure happiness. I often look at all manner of religious visions of utopia and just wish that I had some kind of faith. To strongly and seriously believe in an afterlife must provide such comfort, such certainty.

Melusade said...

"All Suffering SOON TO END!" does sound somewhat ominous. Behold a Pale Horse in the background.

GoTA said...

Logic according to rh: if you can one religion, you couldn't possibly can another.

pk said...

I wonder if they'll keep smiling upside down propping a corner of the fridge up.

Pavlov's Cat said...

I particularly heart the idea that happiness consists in the combination of pumpkins and elk (or moose or whatever they are).

You really are striking gold in the Found Documents department at the moment!

librarygirl said...

So do you think the pamphlet is from one of your new neighbours...or just random religious letter boxing?

JahTeh said...

Why a moose? Why pumpkins? Why tulips? I demand these questions be answered before my suffering ends...or I'll never rest in peace.

Drewzel said...

Yeah, I'm also curious as to why the perfect world includes a moose and lashings of pumpkins?
One of my most embarrassing moments with the JWs was one Saturday morning when 4 of the young lads knocked on the door, all clad in white shirts and smart black slacks. They tried with the Jesus stuff, and after I told them I wasn't interested (I truthfully told them that I'm Catholic and they backed right off, ha ha), they pointedly looked at me (resplendent in Saturday morning ugg boots and PJs) and then looked around my front yard and asked if there was anything they could do for me, eg clean gutters out, mow the lawn? I turned them down, although it was tempting to get them mowing the lawn. I figured that they must have thought I was some down and out lone woman who had no-one around the house to do her chores. Meanwhile my husband was snoring in bed. I obviously must give the impression of a poor useless woman, in a run down shambles of a house.
Oh the shame!

Ben.H said...

When you thumb your nose at the christian church, christians of many races and nationalities shrug and deal with it.

On the other hand, many of them will agree with you because they think the particular sect you're gently mocking is pretty stupid, too.

Ben.H said...

Wait! I knew that book cover reminded me of something. Presumably that's a moose on the barbie.

Bernice said...

Frankly I find the notion of paradise being inhabited by pumpkins very unsettling. Though the presence of the religious is probably more of a worry.

Just Like A Woman said...

People! Whatever happened to tolerance, why can't we live and let live. Or am I being too naive? Frankly, I'm no more offended by religious pamphlets than I am by the latest KMart catalogue stuffed in my letterbox. And the young doorknockers - would we prefer them to be out stealing cars or sniffing paint, rather than offering to mow our lawns and clean our gutters?? We all have our own beliefs on religion, politics, but surely the most important human charasteric is tolerance for others and respect for each others beliefs, and more importantly, their right to hold those beliefs?

More importantly, how is Basil coping with his first day of freedom? Keep an eye out for the gangsta-cat - he's sure to be lurking around.

alexis said...

I just co-googled "pumpkin" and "paradise", and scored myself a hefty 1,180,000 hits.

I suspect the post-apocalyptic pumpkin is meant to remind us (via pumpkin pie, and thus Thanksgiving dinner) of America as the Pilgrims' Promised Land. The moose (meese?) also scream Amerikay, newly be-Puritan-ized.

alexis said...

When I say the moose "scream", I suppose I mean "bellow" or "bleat", or whatever it is meese do when they're declaring their status as icons of an American Eden.

JahTeh said...

No-Baz lotto! I hope that's not an omen.

GoAwayPlease said...

there is no 'God' if Baz got SECOND place in a beauty contest. SECOND ?
beautiful talented clever BAZ is no 'Second'.

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