Tuesday, 29 March 2005

boring old gits to wed

If you can manage it, set aside a moment today to feel sorry for Andrew Motion. As set down in the Poet Laureate's PD, Motion faces the unenviable challenge of producing a straightfaced poem in celebration of the impending wedding.

The central thing about the PL gig is that the poet is not allowed to make fun of the royal family (which might explain why the salary is 500 bottles of sherry a year, plus a little bit of money.) But once all the godawful aspects of this family soap opera are ruled out, there's only enough material left over for haiku.

Whatever Sir Andrew comes up with on the day is bound to be unsatisfactory, so with my trusty copy of The Stuffed Owl handy, I'm going to write my own, and post it here on the big day (April 8). You write one, too.

PS - for a good laugh/retch I highly recommend the Queen's website which is full of fascinating tidbits such as how much it costs to keep the Windsors supplied with solid gold nose hair clippers, jobs going for slaveys lackeys and toadys, and you can even send an email to Her Maj, which she will not read.


Bookfraud said...

funny you should mention haiku.

their undying love
flushed right down the toilet bowl
like a used tampon


problem with clothing
for the spectacle because
harry's a nazi

Ben.H said...

As a Stuffed Owl fan myself, may I suggest the works of Edward Young, Clerk of the Closet to the Princess Dowager, as a poetic model?
It'll be hard to top Motion's poem for William's 21st birthday:

Better stand back
Here's an age attack,
But the second in line
Is dealing with it fine.

Sheer genius. No wonder James Fenton describes the act of urinating over the side of a boat as "passing an Andrew".

Lucy Tartan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lucy Tartan said...

I'll try that again (1st attempt too rude / incoherent to live)

I am delighted to discover another Stuffed Owl silent sniggerer. It is a wonderful book, and should be taught in schools. That way, much bad poetry could be prevented.

jo(e) said...

I loved your headline ....

Lucy Tartan said...

I wish it was mine. I stole it without attribution from the Daily Star (UK). I think a lot of subeditors wished they'd thought of that ne, because it was reported by lots of supposedly more sober media

Brownie said...

The Bridegroom's local paper headline was 'Tetbury man to wed'; USAtralia's 2005 Poetess Laureate is fluffyasacat.blogspot.com/ after her Ode to a dead DaddyLongLegs, Fluffy was appointed by his Excellency the Governor General href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v352/theferaleye/fluffy_poet_laureatess.jpg"

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