Thursday 14 March 2019

half moon

Three quarters of an hour ago I was pegging out washing under a dark bright sky with a beautiful and perfect half moon hung there above the roof of the house next door.

Today was rough.

The moon really does it for me, you know. It doesn't give a shit about anything. It looks best when it's full and rising, but it's most magnetic when it's split, and half hidden half shining.

Sleep deprivation is making everything just that bit harder. I feel jetlagged. Coffee in the morning didn't produce the couple of hours of full alertness that I can usually expect. About three o'clock in the afternoon I just couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and had to slump in my chair for fifteen minutes, with my hands over my face. Normally I have a lot of energy, but lately I have not got enough, and I notice effort is required to do simple things like walk up stairs, concentrate for a couple of hours. It probably means my iron levels are low. It's probably worry, also.

I've been trying to write for half an hour. I haven't got anywhere near the target, ie the thing I actually wanted to say. The problem is sleeplessness / sleepiness.

Rather than persist in this utterly frustrating cycle of trying to write and stabilise my terrible broken sleeping I'm just going to try for one of those things, and resign myself to a period of not writing, or at least of not indulging myself in this indulgence of time and thought invested in this discretionary work which I don't owe to anyone. I am sad about this. It means a lot to me to be able to think things out in language, however obliquely, and there is a lot to think through and out at the moment. That said, I did okay for three years without using my blog. 

See you in a bit.








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