Wednesday, 23 January 2019


I was curious about how the fatberg is getting along but the only updates I can detect are boring. It's a boring fatberg.  This is marginally more interesting

but only marginally. I like how you are supposed to be scared or revolted by the thought of a rat swimming up out of the toilet and attacking your bottom, but really, this is such amateur level disgusting and horrifying. I could do better disgusting and horrifying than this in my sleep.

Like, somewhere in the couple of hours that I slept last night, I dreamed I was in one of those cafeterias in the snowfields, I was naked of course (that's how I knew it was a dream) and the floor and all the furniture was covered in a sort of intermittent gloppy flow of warm and cumin-scented yellow dal. Near me on a laminex table there was a 1kg hommus bucket full of blue glitter glue. If you are unfamiliar with this product, it is basically glue with glitter and blue stuff in it. Very slowly I pushed my right hand into the glue. It made a farting noise as it went in. When this happens in waking life, you cannot get your hand all that far into the bucket, but my hand kept going. When my whole arm was in the bucket, my hand touched something warm, wet and furry and alive, and then I woke up.

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