Monday, 5 May 2008

The Brood

Under the right conditions (left standing in a manila folder) essays can and will mate and multiply. Not only will there be twice as many in the morning as there were the night before, the second and third generation ones begin to exhibit disturbing hybrid characteristics: a freakish overindulgence in totally unnecessary semicolons, for instance, or an equal opportunity-minded refusal to assign a gender to Shakespeare (simpler to refer to him as 'them'); or the attribution of the more outre critical judgements put forth to 'http-allshakespearesonnets.com', or in rarefied situations, to 'Academic Jornal'; or repeated selfcongratulatory exclamations upon the enlightened attitude to lust prevalent in today's society compared to, let's say, the stupid old society in sonnet 129.

When I've done this lot I am taking a great fat bunch of someone else's, so I expect to be thoroughly maddened by the end of this week.

Better get used to it though as I have recently learned that my employment at the seat of learning will be regularised and extended until the end of 2010.

13 comments:

David said...

Are congratulations in order? I am sometimes uncertain. A colleague and friend was recently so apparently underwhelmed by being offered what seemed to me to be a thoroughly plum position/promotion (because of the extra work) that I wasn't sure what to say. But, congratulations.

Ampersand Duck said...

Aw, David beat me to it. I am pleased that you are extended, but not sure if you are, because of your tone. Am worried that you discovered a stash of my extended family's photos.

Kirsty said...

I will offer congratulations because I'm thinking of your mortgage, and knowing you can pay that for another couple of years is surely a good thing?

I went to a friend's flat for the first time the other day and she has the most spectacular array of wallpapered rooms. I was hard pressed not take out my phone and take pictures for you. Let me just say 'silver', 'floral' and 'embossed'.

Tim said...

Is that Jim Schembri?

Congratulations about the job!

TimT said...

Are congratulations or condolences in order? I suppose I'll offer both, in no particular order. With an emphasis on the gratulations!

innercitygarden said...

I run straight to Congratulations. On the grounds that it saves you from applying for jobs, which is my own particular hell at the moment. I find myself correcting the spelling and grammar in position descriptions.

Zoe said...

It will be worth it just to finally get your email working.

Well done, you. That "Rate your professor" thing you had us all doing really paid off.*

*Not true, googling students.

Pavlov's Cat said...

I feel your pain. May I share with you a particularly choice student blooper I encountered this morning?

"As a child, growing up near the Tuscan boarder ..."

And these are graduate students. Graduate students in a writing course. Graduate students in a writing course who want to be professional writers.

What's more, it's been ten hours and I'm still worrying about that child growing up near the Tuscan boarder. I badly want to know what happened next.

TimT said...

I think you should start up an exam markers' group blog. You'd never be lacking for content.

TimT said...

*Does a double check to make sure his apostrophe is in the right place*
*Sighs with relief*

lucy tartan said...

Well, thank you equally for the congratulations and the condolences. It might be worth noting that the timestamp on this post is authentic, i.e. I wrote it at quarter to eleven last night as a brief mental palate-cleanser before diving into yet another essay. Essay marking is not the worst thing that can happen to a person but as Pav knows it can all get a bit much when the essays are not written with the conscientious care you all automatically gave to your written work when you were students. Especially at quarter to eleven.

But of course it's excellent to have a proper job (lecturer B) I don't really think I deserve it but fortunately that decision is someone elses to make.

lucy tartan said...

TimT - there is actually at least one megablog not too far off that, called Rate Your Students - anonymous contributions published, the bitterer and more snarly the better. It's too cranky for me.

Helen said...

Congratulations Laura! And here's something to cheer y'all up, if you haven't read it already:

http://www.bluealto.net/main-journal/brilliant-move-skippy.html

Via Theriomorph: "Best plagiarism story ever."