Friday, 27 April 2007

Dwarves

I found this in my Drafts folder. I really don't remember writing it or putting it there.

* * * *

Dwarves dislike magic, elves, bodily hair growth, travelling by water, eating without sitting down, the smell of dairy products, dragons, change, being too far off the ground, horses, deserts, Humans, dancing, the taste of lizardmen, crowds, forests, and dilly-dallying.

* * * *

So now you know.

18 comments:

TimT said...

I'm sure lizardmen don't like being eaten either, so that works out fine.

Dorian said...

Actually I think its their fashion sense that the dwarves dislike.

Drewzel said...

This scares me.

elsewhere said...

I would have thought that dwarves were positively swarming with body hair. Still, that doesn't mean that have to like it. Perhaps dwarves are connoisseurs of various body hair removal techniques or perhaps they even struggle with 'hair is a feminist issue.'

Anonymous said...

I come here to read about the adventures of Basil, not his comic relief human. Please rectify the situation immediately.

Draco

Ariel said...

What an interesting mind you have ... It's hilarious that you don't remember the circumstances of writing this. I'm positive there is nothing this quirky (or interesting) in my Drafts folder.

lucy tartan said...

From the date on it, it was done during the period of delirium after we moved house.

Bless Draco, I know people only come here for cat stuff. Not a lot happened in Basilland today; the major excitement took place at about 6.30pm when D & I walked to the chip shop inthe next street. Basil appeared to have surreptitiously followed, because he was waiting at the corner when we came back.

If that doesn't quite do it for you may I suggest a trip down memory lane:

a previous massive following people to the shops type adventure

his dolly

the cat next door

Baz does the book meme

Basil's debut on the internet

or the unbearable niceness of being in a cardboard box....

R.H. said...

What about Baso's mention in Hamlet ("Lord of beasts")?

HA!

Don't answer!

ROBBERT!!!

Anonymous said...

bwah ha ha

thank you

Draco

Bernice said...

I seem to remember they also rather dislike each other as well? & I must say I'm puzzled by the Hair Thing as well. Or is it only facial hair they grow with such exuberance? (& presumably we are talking about the Pratchett varieties of dwarves, not persons of small stature?)

TimT said...

So when it comes to marriage, do dwarves pair up with those they least dislike, or most dislike?

lucy tartan said...

Who knows, the thing is, BAZLOTTO!!!

congratulations to me.

Anonymous said...

but.. but..

I am a dwarf.

I am a trapeze artist.

Am I betraying dwarfness?

If I don't shave my body hair, I am likely to be mistaken for a chimp. Then I won't get paid for the act, but given a brace of bananas.

One thing I can tell you for sure about dwarves - we hate bananas.

Rosanna said...

Lizardmen. Tehe.

Sills bed? I absolutely love, love, love your blog title.

lucy tartan said...

Thanks, Rosanna....oddly enough, the real Sills Bend is a very lovely bit of riverbank in Rosanna. I suspect you might have know this already...

Bwca said...

Dear Proprietor Lucy, your "dwarves dislike magic" story sounds like it came from one of the many sites devoted to creatures-who-hide.
These sites all have similar descriptions to this one-

"The Brown Man of the Muirs - He is the protector of wild animals.

The Brownie - They are typically a tiny, shaggy-looking man with wrinkled brown skin. They are approximately 25 inches tall. They are usually either naked or their brown clothing is in extremely bad condition. Brownies like to adopt houses which they look after. They come out at night to finish small chores, look over the cattle. If there is a lazy servant in the home, he might choose to plague him for it. All Brownies expect in return is a bowl of cream or good milk and a honey cake. Never leave clothes and never leave too much food. They find this offensive and will leave. Care should be taken not to criticize their work. When one farmer criticized the mowing job, the Brownie responsible threw the entire crop over a cliff.

The Bwca - They are the Welsh version of the Brownie (see above). They have slightly nastier tempers and are prone to tantrums if their work is criticized. They also despise tattletales and people with long noses."


(Speaking of which, you might like to delete Brownie from your links as they have gone and hidden themselves from vicious horrible children who discovered their blog and did not like it/them, one bit. Like a true Bwca, the blog/s has/have been thrown over the cliff)


No need to fear Lizard men. They are 'living fossils among the primates' (or male mermaids, ie mermen, see movie SPLASH. ).

lucy tartan said...

Message received, and I'm sorry to hear of horridnesses....

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